Anxiety is a bitch.

It’s that time of year, cheer and merriment and family and gifts and blah, blah, blah.
Screw it.
I’m ready to go to bed until it’s over.

The thing is for me that the holidays aren’t all those wonderful things they are typically for everyone else. Some people get warm fuzzies, I just have anxiety.

When I was a really, really young momma we had no money but Christmas was so easy. Family time was all we had to give and it was just enough. There was no stress because it was incredibly cut and dry, we knew what and  what not to expect. We knew nothing different than tradition and it was wonderfully easy.

Now circumstances what they are there is no family to gather.
Whether by geography (for members we love) or absolute necessity and abolition for others, whatever the reason, we are a very small unit. Not to say im not totally in love with the wife and kids, because I am. It’s just a new family unit and I’m still getting used to it.

Maybe I’m just missing simpler times.
Maybe I’m trying to compensate for the missing limbs of the family (Christmas) tree.

I hope Santa brings a therapy Groupon for my stocking, I’m gonna need it after the season is finally over.

The holidays bring me such stress and anxiety that by the time they are over I look like one of those cartoon cats, all frizzy and wide eyed with crooked whiskers and snaggle tooth.

Here’s why I’m stressing …

I’m the other wife in newlywed lesbian marriage. That alone is enough to give a woman anxiety. She’s great but marriage makes me crazy. I’m still learning that it takes a tremendous amount of time and energy
and sanity to make things easy. All of these things which I am lacking lately.

I have 2 kids at home and they are admittedly  spoiled (almost) teenagers. Lets just say that those packages under the tree aren’t cheap. I can’t get away with Barbies and Hot Wheels under the tree anymore.
Big kid toys have big prices.

The kids who are grown and gone, or with family otherwise, all live super far away.
I miss them terribly.
All the things I bitched about on years gone by I long for again. The discarded wrapping paper, feet deep, all over the living room. No room to move or sit in a crowded room. I miss voices so loud on Christmas morning that we couldn’t hear our own thoughts.

This year will be painfully quiet and ridiculously tidy in the house.

My job is in an office but retail. I deal with really angry, super anxious people 5 1/2 really long days a week for the last 6 weeks of the year. This is enough to make anyone run screaming from reality for a long winters nap. I keep telling myself it’s just a few more weeks.

Every holiday treat is 1,000,000 calories and you can’t go anywhere without someone putting cookies and cakes and candies or eggnog in your hand. It would be rude not to sample. This means you need to borrow Santa’s outfit for New Years cause nothing in your own closet fits anymore.

I didn’t have the time to set up more than our Christmas tree at home this year. No fancy garland or wreaths or twinkling lights. I did however decorate the office in tinsel festivity which may or may not be as appreciated as I would like, considering my effort.

I am not a religious person and I do not celebrate the holidays for any reason other than tradition. Regardless of the reason for the season I will be glad when it’s over. If I see one more Facebook church presentation or pageant invitation I might start unfriending people. 

Rather than the traditional stuffing of stockings with oranges, nuts and chocolates, I just want to throw them at people wearing ridiculous ugly sweaters.

Caroling doorbell ringers beware.
Holiday anxiety is a bitch.

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