I think I have a stalker.

There is something strange going on in my life.

I feel the need to share my story, in true sarcastic style of course. Just in case I end up on one of those Dateline Mysteries. You can say you heard about it first here.

A few weeks ago my love started to talk about this new hire, a woman she has been working closely with. I will admit I was only half listening, I have met some of the people she works with. Don’t get me wrong … they are great folks. Just not the kind I have much in common with.

Stop judging me, I’m not that bad and at least I’m honest.

So this woman … the more I’m hearing the more I’m realizing that this is not the usual personality she makes work friends with. This person doesn’t have many buds in this particular workplace, but seems to connect with the wife. I thought this was a little unusual, and not because my sweetheart doesn’t make friends, she just doesn’t make female friends.

My love is not the lipstick wearing, purse carrying, chocolate martini and shoe shopping kinda gal. She prefers chapstick, cars, sports and beer. She keeps company with low maintenance, no drama, good old boys. I love this about her.

Clearly we have few friends in common. That works out fine for us.

This is where my story gets super weird. This female co-worker is from the same small mid-western town I was raised in. We went to the same school. We were friends. 

In most cases that would be just a coincidence. The shoulder shrug, cool kinda fact that makes the work a small place. Except that small town where we grew up is 500+ miles away from here. The place in which my beloved works is a large facility. This blast from the past just so happened to find herself in the same department, in the same company, working directly with the wife. Of all the possible coincidences this one seems  … suspicious.

Let me explain why before you start raising eyebrows and questioning whether I make my family wear foil hats and live in a bunker.

Which I do not. I am not a paranoid crazy person.  Thank you very much. 

I had recently causally mentioned that we should invite the new friend to have dinner sometime. She seems maybe a little odd but it could be because (by her own admission) she has no friends here in this area. I thought I was doing a good deed.

Here is where I think I may have been wrong.

It comes to light that said new friend is also from small town Ohio. My home town.

Wife tells co-worker my name. Co-worker describes my features. Not that surprising, another co-worker could have mentioned or maybe she has seen the wife flashing family photos. All reasonable assumptions.

Then new friend confirms my maiden last name. Whoa! She knows me!

Wife immediately texts me from work do you know (Womans Name) and I cautiously reply with a  “yes?”  searching my brain for our last interaction. I am almost sure we didn’t speak too much into high school, maybe just about Freshman year. We were like 14- 15 … maybe?

She tells the wife of people we knew, of guys I dated all throughout high school. There were a few, whatever. I have no shame about my high school love affairs. Maybe they were super memorable for other people too. I guess I get that.

I remember some things about our short friendship and text wife about a sleepover memory. I mention details of the friends room. Woman first insists we never had sleep overs, gets caught in the facts I was describing and then insists she isn’t gay but there may have been a sleepover.

Odd. Very odd things to say.

New friend then begins to tell wife things she knows about me. All the things. All the things I don’t know how anyone outside my circle could know.

Creepy.

She tells the wife of my grown up life, my kids, my messy 1st divorce and that she knew all about me. I’m not sure what compels someone to blast the past to a current relationship but alright. I will give her the benefit of being socially awkward.

Remember when I said we had not been friends since we were barely teenagers?

We are not friends on social media, I went another direction in high school so we didn’t speak, I lived in the area we grew up in but never noticed her around town. I don’t know that we have friends in common at all as there are only a few I kept in touch with. I do not speak to family in our home town and have not for several years now.

I find it very strange, like Lifetime movie strange, that this is so coincidental. I am still planning on having that dinner. I need to meet this stalker face to face, if nothing but to find out if we need a restraining order or not.

It will probably be fine, I will probably not be thrown into a windowless van never to be seen again. Probably.