It has taken me awhile but I think I have learned a little about relationships, marriages in particular. It can be such a beautiful thing, hand in hand with the intention of growing old together, raising your children and retiring to rocking chairs on the front porch. Then there are days where you can barely stand the sound your phone makes when they send you yet another text message, to which you will also be ignoring.
I have put together 7 age old ridiculous tips and some alternative real life advice from an actual married person. Actual advice for us long term ball and chain type couples; the gay, the straight, the somewhere in between … because we all at some point need to step back and just laugh at ourselves.
Never go to bed angry. Seriously? Who is this helping if you stay up way past your working adult bedtime?
SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO TO BED. Your co-workers will thank me for this tip in the morning. You can hash out whose turn it is to clean the bathroom another time.
Always compliment your lover. I only agree with half of this. Do not throw around over used, thoughtless words you think she wants to hear. She doesn’t. She will stop buying into your lip service pretty quick. That is no good for her self esteem. All you are doing is encouraging your partner to not believe anything you say. Ever.
Always be sincere. If she is looking hella hot in that dress, by all means tell her so.
**I use the pronoun “she” here but this applies to everyone. Keeping in mind this is written by a woman who is married to a woman … I use the feminine for everything. This advice could easily be just as good for that gorgeous hunk of a man in your life.
Be reasonable in your expectations. I don’t even know what this means. What exactly is a reasonable expectation? This varies wildly. If you were raised outside of the jungle you know how to behave in society and with other people. Don’t stress about what you are expected to do as long as you aren’t being an asshole.
Real advice: No really. Just don’t be an asshole. The only expectation should be that you are kind to one another and expect that no day is ever the exact same as the one before. Roll with it together.
Trust each other. This is a hard one for me personally. Do I trust she won’t leave one day with our dogs in the passenger seat and a trail of dust behind her? Sure. Do I trust she won’t drink the last of the wine or eat all the fancy ice cream? No.
Real advice: Don’t cheat on her or eat all her ice cream. Done.
Figure out your finances before you tie the knot. Uhh, we have been married awhile and we still havn’t figured this out.
Real advice: You are on your own here. I have no advice. We make the money, we spend the money.
Be affectionate as much as possible. For the sake of everyone around you, please, we beg of you do not do this. It is rude and we will tell you to get a damn room.
Real advice: In the confines of your home or around a private corner in public places by all means grab a quick feel or smooch like teenagers. All is well and good until you are holding up the line at Target looking deeply into each others eyes.
Handle your disagreements in a healthy way. We all know that couple that breaks up and makes up all the freakin’ time. Stop it. Don’t break dishes, don’t drive off squealing tires, don’t call names and never, ever tell them you don’t love them. There is no glue to mend that kind of thing and spray paint and ribbons are not a fancy fix all. No matter what you read on Pinterest.
Real advice: Be honest, take time if you need it before you respond, use your best inside voice. We learned about not throwing tantrums and using inside voices in preschool yet sometimes we forget as grown adults.
The very best advice I have ever been given was to learn from successful couples who have amazing, healthy, happy marriages. Learn from those who know they are not perfect but they keep working on it anyway, those people are the successful ones.
Most of all be willing to laugh at yourself. It’s a lot better than being laughed at.
Leave me your best marriage advice in the comments below, I would love to hear your best “real” advice!