The trouble with discretion 

I was recently trusted with a very private, personal secret. This alone is not a concerning event as I am one people feel generally able to open up to. I know the level of trust these sharers have in me, enough to tell me very private things knowing in exchange I will keep their secrets indefinitely.

However … the lastest share has me feeling such distress that I need to step away from the secret owner. 

It’s like seeing a hornets nest in all its glory and being too stupid to move away. Knowing if you stand under it for too long you will likely be stung. Repeatedly and painfully, and rightfully so because you knew better. Because you are an idiot to think the wasps wouldn’t notice and punish your precense.

The private information which was shared is of the sincerest human mishap variety. However, it is one of those mishaps which could eventually change the lives of those involved. My fear is that it could change even those who are simply near … permanently. 

Think of the most beautiful comforter you ever put on your bed. Imagine you made your bed, it looks amazing and then one night your kid comes to you with a belly ache and accidently vomits fruit punch all over. Let’s be honest you aren’t ever going to see that bedding ever the same. No matter how much cleanup and apology, it will never ever be the same. This situation is just like that.

At some point in our lives we have all been in the rock and a hard place situation. There is no right or wrong. It is neither black nor white. However you proceed there is no unknowing what you now know. 

My advice to this specific secret sharer has been to step away from the secret situation. 

I am totally unclear about whether I was heard or whether my wisdom was considered even for a second. I am always … ok usually… I am right about these things and I can only call it as I see it. 

My thoughts have been wandering far too often in loving protest to not only knowing the secret but of the ongoing nature of it. I wish I didn’t know at all. I do not want to be a party. I don’t want to know there is more and more to keep secret. There has to be a door I can close.

I wish Magic Erasers took away not only the burnt on spaghetti sauce on my cook top but also the secrets told over and over in my mind. I need a good brain cleansing. 

Is that a thing? It should be a thing. Unknowing should absolutely be a thing. I want to be like Cher and “Turn Back Time ” right about now. 

I can not be party to destruction or a tool to encourage even more discretion. I feel not only used as the secret keeper but also abused. I can not be the avenue to continue behavior which is best kept confidential.

The troyble with deception is that it ruins perfectly good relationships. 

Please don’t tell me your secrets anymore. I don’t know if I can keep them all …

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