Tag: beer

Her Birthday.

myidioticblissLeave a comment

Every year it is the same thing. She doesn’t want a big fuss but if she doesn’t get the traditional “happy birthday” and a gift there will be hell to pay.

The last couple of years we made a point to schedule our vacation time for her birthday week. Most of if not the entire week is spent on beach chairs, sipping from alcoholic beverages and soaking up every bit of sunshine humanly possible.

This year was no exception to the few before.

Except that I planned to buy her a birthday cake. I wanted to surprise her somehow in the room before her special adults only dinner. Her favorites, crab legs and more beer than one stomach should possibly hold.

Only this year it didn’t quite go as planned.

It so happened my only chance to get her cake was while she was with me. She had a minor tantrum right there in the bakery section of the grocery. I asked her to pick out a cake, she argues she doesn’t want one. I insist that the children want to celebrate her day and cake is how it’s done. She shrugs in  defeat and walks to the cake section again like a toddler forced to participate in group play.

She chooses a cheesecake.

I roll my eyes.
Not in such a way she shouldn’t have what she wants; I absolutely think one should be treated to any sweet desired on her birthday. However, I had planned on cheesecake for the private after dinner treat at her favorite restaurant.

She was ruining things and I was losing my temper.

Finally she picks a cake, after some threats and whispered expressions of aggravation. All the while we are circling a public shopping center. Shooting dirty looks at each other and anyone who dares notice the tension.

We make it back to the room and she gets her cake. The kids are happy. Everyone is happy.

Then comes time for the date night birthday dinner.

She loves crab legs, she eats them only once a year. The first year we were together we were engaged over crab by the ocean. Each birthday since the first she has enjoyed the same for her birthday week. It’s her thing. I don’t partake in such but I respect that it’s her favorite.

This year like all the others I watch her eyes dance when the plate is delivered. She reaches for the utensils to pull the meat from the long, freakish looking shells. She then drudges each piece into the cup of melted butter … dripping everywhere as she does. She scolds me to look away but I can’t. I just can’t avoid the butter on her fingers and the shine on her chin. You would think this to be intensely disgusting but in her own charm she makes it look sincerely endearing.

She continues on and about halfway into her mound she comes across a particularly tough leg to crack. She gives it her all and in slow motion we watch as a piece flings from our table to the next … narrowly missing the occupants. The piece bounces off an unknowing strangers handbag and onto the floor.

We look on horrified.

My hand to my mouth and her with buttery fingers still holding the remainder of the leg with a hint of butter slick on her chin.

Nobody seems to notice what just happened. I wait to take a breath for fear we will be escorted out before she can have her damn cheesecake.

We are asked if we might need a box, I advise we do. She exclaims to the waiter that she needs no box, only a shower. Probably an even mix of beer and truth talking.

Before long the plates are cleared and to-go boxes readied. We continue drinking her ginormous 100 ounce personal tap and casually discuss her day. Sunshine, sand, birthday dinner … it’s been a great day.

She heads to the bathroom and the waiter sneaks a fancy fried cheesecake thing with ice cream and a chocolate strawberry swirled concoction laced over the top. This bowl is surely delivered straight from the birthday heavens.

She is overjoyed.

The waiter comes back to ask her how she likes it, tells her happy birthday once again and retreats. She smiles.

Success.

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Birthday girl

Happy birthday my love. May we spend many more with even better stories to tell. I adore you.

Legally wed (almost) a year. Here is the recap …

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It was this time last year that our home state made our marriage legal. We were so excited, it was like a second wedding day. Sorta like that … but without rain, stress, arguments or blisters. Good times.

So in the spirit of a (sort of) one year wedding anniversary I compiled the top 10 best of best things that happened this last year, our first full year of being legally married in our home state.

  1. We survived new car envy. She bought I convertible, I got jealous. We now share our vehicles. Whats mine is mine. What is yours is now mine too. I’m pretty sure it was in the vows.96a9c5c0cecad209aedb00bb45a2dffa
  2. The kids went away for the summer and we managed to focus a little time on us. Every relationship needs a little space alone to develop. Ours developed into missing the kids after a couple month extended honeymoon. Whatever works.Summer-of-Love
  3. We went to the beach, several times. There is nothing like feeling the sand between your toes. Or the sand hitting you in the face as it swirls around the car, coming off your beach gear. That’s what happens when you shove the sandy gear into the back of that super cute, top down convertible you HAD to take for the trip.  11137193_1011165278894072_8677361988249007150_n
  4. We watched fireworks for the 4th, from our mountain spot, all by ourselves. It was kinda romantic and super beautiful. The other fireworks throughout the year on the mountain, likely scaring the neighbors into calling for backup, maybe not so much romantic as horrifying. We are trying to keep our arguments to ourselves now. Sorry y’all. 11403087_1036972702979996_7696834849185982622_n
  5. We learned to budget. Just kidding, no we didn’t. We bought a new car and went to the beach a few times. We can’t seem to save any money. I have no idea why. Saving Money
  6. She learned to cook. Well, not really cook, but she can grill like nobody’s business. Thinking about our 1 year anniversary steak dinner she magically produced is making me hungry, 3 months later. sunset-2
  7. I changed my last time to hers. Finally. She ran out and changed the name on the mailbox … I am still learning to sign it. Or to recolonize it when called. fa38b4ca80e150dc2a1e9445abc452b4
  8. We made new friends. Together. Couple friends. That isn’t easy considering we are so different. It is almost like getting a raise, the one you don’t think it will ever happen. All of a sudden you are eating more than soup from a can, in your one room apartment, while talking to your cat before bedtime at 8pm. It’s a big wide world out there when you have couple friends to go explore it with. friends_cast_004a
  9. We found new things to explore together. Places to go, things to do, food to eat and fancy new beer to try. Again, a big deal because when we first met we didn’t have much more in common than mutual lust. No shame. None. 3190410_13213875_lz
  10. Last but certainly most important: Nobody was seriously injured or died. I’m not kidding, it was a close call a few times. Marriage is hard, apparently so is smothering your beloved with a pillow. wpid-wp-1432838209051.jpeg

Beer slushy, monkey poop and a beach trip.

myidioticblissLeave a comment

I have a full life. There are not enough hours in my days or days in my week.

What I want to do, what I would like to do and what I need to do are entirely separate.
Similar to a zoo, without the zebras, elephants, lions and monkeys it’s just a few caged animals. All together it’s a zoo. Like my life right now.

A freaking zoo. A strange new attraction around every corner.

If I start charging admission maybe I can afford a snow cone machine with a beer option.

That might actually solve all my problems now that I think about it.

I don’t sleep enough, I dream too much, and I can relax rarely. It’s catching up to me.

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Every day. Monday – Friday

My career choice keeps me on my toes, it’s unforgiving some days. Lucky for me I have the next week off. Sort of. Mostly.

I’m fairly certain at least once a day my thoughts will be consumed by a “problem child” … anyone who has ever worked an advocate position knows exactly to who or what I refer.

I find it similar to what having a fire-breathing, baby animal eating, dragon as a pet might be like. As much as your job is to please the masses there are some you simply can not. Sadly, like a pet dragon, you can’t exactly just find them a new caretaker. You can’t dump them at a nice farm-house in the country. Nobody wants to deal with an asshole of a pet dragon. Even when you go on vacation. Still your my problem.

wpid-f531c7312407d88733ef3de72ddaa157.jpgMy children (as offspring often are) happen to be entirely dependent on me to entertain them, feed them and house them in a comfortable home. The same home which they are constantly being told to clean their messes from.

The laundry is ever piling, the fridge constantly emptied and the noise ever-present.

The bathrooms are always smelly and the toilet paper rolls are always empty.

There are dirty, mismatched socks and single shoes in random places and I’m pretty sure I nearly stepped on another Lego.
The Wi-Fi is slow and the cookies are gone. A sure sign they are hiding somewhere watching Netflix while I mop the sticky substance from the kitchen floor.

They are too big to put in a basket on the church steps. At least I think so. If I have to play “guess the smell” again I might hit up the container store for the biggest basket I can find.

My spouse who I give my conditional love makes me absolutely crazy sometimes. Like now. She’s making me lose my mind. right now.

You know those plaques and signs in the zoo which tell you about the animal you’re standing in front of? Well marriage doesn’t come with those. There are no guides or maps. There are no little foot print marks to tell you what to do or where to go next.

Not at all like this. I would be alright with this.
Not at all like this. I would be alright with this.

You are on your own. If you get lost and can’t find your way, the next step could lead you into the boa exhibit where you will be squeezed lifeless and consumed.

Ok, that was dramatic but that’s what marriage feels like. sometimes.

We are about to head to a beach front hotel for a week. Just us. Sounds like a romantic dream doesn’t it? Now throw in a tiny budget and little sleep. As much love as we have we are only human and sometimes it’s not always coming up roses. I keep looking for her hand, maybe together we can reach the exit door of the aquarium building and stop feeling like we are under water.

imageAll we need to do is get to the warm sunshine outside the exit door but it’s elusive.

and I’m too tired to form the words for directions.

and I’m too pissed off to ask her which way to go.

remember how I said sometimes she’s an asshole? Yeah that.

I miss the days of throwing caution to the wind and leaving with nothing but a bikini and a toothbrush for my next adventure.

Unfortunately I am trying to keep up my zoo. If anyone finds the door labeled “beach – this way!” let me know.

Until then I’ll just be over here with my beer slushy, teaching monkeys not to fling poo.

This should answer your questions …

myidioticblissLeave a comment

$RSU5L81

My stats because everyone seems to to want to know:

Age: Old enough to know better.

  • 30 something

Marital Status: Married.

  • Happily

Sex: Yes please.

  • Female

Sexual Orientation: None of your business!

  • Lesbian

Kids: Yes. Yes, from my womb.

  • a girl and a boy who live at home and eat all my food

Pets: Yes.

  • Dogs. 2 pits, 1 precious mini dachshund  and 1 asshole poodle schnauzer mix
  • Cats. 2 or 3 or 7 I don’t know anymore. We live in the woods and they just show up for kitty kibble.
  • Fish. Indoor and out. Plus a desk fish – because every office needs one.

Diet: Sometimes.

  • Rich in carbohydrates, beer and sugar

Location: Mountains.

  • Western North Carolina for work, Eastern NC, SC, FL for play. Unless you have a beach house elsewhere then we should be friends. I need more friends with beach houses. Or a friend with a beach house. Whatever.

Occupation: Management level calmer downer and advocate of your e-commerce experience at large

  • I don’t know what that means either. No day is ever the same.
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Naturally.

Happy National Beer Day! Or something like that

myidioticblissLeave a comment

If you have paid any attention to social media today you know today is National Beer Day. A holiday to some and a simple Monday for others.

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Once upon a time I was a wine and mixed drinks only kinda gal. I snubbed my “drinking age adult” nose at all efforts to serve me beer at social functions.

Then I met J.
My beer loving, social drinking sweetheart.

When we met she had, and I’m not exaggerating, cans of Miller Light and some bottled water in her fridge. That’s it. I nearly had second thoughts about what I was getting myself into. I’ve come a long way since then and she has too. Thanks to her I’ve learned to enjoy craft beer and look forward to trying new selections. She now has a brewery date any time she wants. Plus now has an upgraded fridge with food selections and bottled beer. Classy.

We’re lucky enough to live in a huge craft brew area of Western NC which means I’ve had a chance to taste test the best of the best. It’s a whole new world.

For all of you who are still beer shy I offer you this newbies guide to beer.

Try a flight the next time you are in a place you can try some brews.  You can sample several types and find your style. This is great for sampling seasonal beer too. Don’t be too shy to try something new. Even if you don’t like one of the selections you aren’t out the cost of a pint.

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A flight at a local brewery.

Ask your server / bartender for a recommendation. If your server is a non beer drinker he / she can still tell you what’s ordered most often.  Sometimes you can even taste test before you commit, just be courteous of your bartenders time. If the bar is full they may not have the time to tell you to stop being an asshole and order already.

Head to your favorite restaurant for Pint Night. These are great nights to enjoy a new beer because you get to keep the glass. That’s right. You can keep the glass. That means no more red solo cups at your next party. You can serve your friends in real glasses. Like grown ups.

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Free glassware! Pint glasses from local pint nights.

Try a selection which pairs well with your food this summer. There is something about a super cold beer on a beautiful evening, or afternoon, whatever your fancy. Having a burger? Pretty much any beer goes well with a burger hot off the grill but if you must narrow your choice try a medium bodied Ale. Chicken more your thing? Try a lighter Lager or a Wheat selection. These beers pair well with pasta dishes as well if you are not already having wine. Having a bite which is a bit heavier? Sharing an appetizer at your local pub? Try a Porter or Stout. while my least favorite, these brews have the most flavor and will be a dark, rich beer.

Grab some friends and attend a craft beer festival. There are many, many to choose from in our area. If there are none in your locality you should move. Pack your things and head someplace more fun immediately.Life is too short to be bored.

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Still lost on what to try? Lets compare to basic a wine selection. Light bodied beers such as the Lager and Wheat are much like the white wines we know and love, a Pinot or Sauvignon Blanc. There are also hard ciders crafted from a variety of fruit which compare to a sweet Moscato. Your medium bodied beers, such as the Ale are like nice mellow Merlot. The darker heavier bodied beers, which I have yet to work myself up to fully appreciating, such as the Porter and Stout are like the Cabernet of the wine world.

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So the next time you find yourself an occasion to have a brewsky, be it a Monday night after work or National Beer Day, be sure to try something new.

Live adventurous. Be brave and always have a DD.