Tag: gay marriage

A wedding day love letter, on the 3rd year anniversary. 

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3 years ago I wrote and sent an email to my soon to be legally wed wife. It was an emotional and exciting time and the biggest day of our life together to date. 

As we celebrate this anniversary I wanted to share that originsl very personal email here. I do so with her blessing. 

Enjoy. 

        

We are getting married …. today. Not tomorrow or next week. Today.

I was not sure this day would ever make it here or that we would be ready when it did. Over the last few days as we patiently (and equally at times, not so patiently) watched the countdown timer tick away, I tried to think of the perfect wedding gift. I thought of a million things but nothing seemed right until I went back, all the way back to our beginning.

Do you remember how we started? It was an email, simple words typed and delivered digitally but neither of us could have know what was actually taking place.

It was never just words, never just an email, and neither is this one.

I decided to write you an email for your wedding gift, I know what you are thinking, that you didn’t get me a gift. The truth is you did, I have you, a lifetime with you is the greatest gift I could imagine. You are my whole world. I hope this reaches you with as much joy and surprise as the first one did.

I hope that every message you ever get makes you smile but this one especially I want to be like the first. All the anticipation, the joy, the flips in your belly, all the wonders of sweet enchantment.

Everyday is another chance to make sure you know how much I love you, adore you, need and want you. I don’t want a single day to pass in our marriage that I don’t remind you. Starting with the first.

I am not sure what I would do without you, I don’t want to know a life without you in it. So when we say our vows later today, know that I mean every word of them. Take it all in, just like you did in the beginning. Let your mind replay them over and over just like we read each others emails and texts … over and over again. You are truly my best friend, the perfect lover and the person I want to share idiotic bliss.

I can not wait to call you my wife.

With all my love,

~Cat

The tale of a lesbian and her new doctor. Warning foul language ahead.

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It has happened every single time I have seen a new doctor since I got married. 

I go in to fill out my paperwork, hand over my ID and insurance card and wait. 

It doesn’t take long before the whispers.Then they call out to me in the waiting room. 

I know what’s coming but before I can approach the counter they shout… 

 “Is your real name Jolynn?” 

“Who is Jolynn?” 

“Your what?” 

“Sorry, your … spouse?” 

Yes. Fuck. Thanks for keeping that on the low. 

Seriosly. 

They don’t do this to straight married women. 

Never would they say … “ma’am this card says Steve. Is Steve your real name? Who is Steve? Oh. Your husband? Is that right? You say Steve is your husband?” 

Never. 

It would never happen. 

It would be unimaginable to think that it is the entire waiting rooms right to know that I am married  … and to who. Yet it has happened on multiple occasions. I happen to need to see an array of specialists and every single office has been incredibly *special* in the insurance process. 

Not that I am ashamed to have a wife.

I parade this rock  around on my finger  like a beauty queen wears a crown. 

When she is with me she is arm candy … like a sexy, smiling, human accessory that holds my purse and tells me my ass looks amazing. 

That’s not the point. 

I’m 100% sure when I get back to the waiting room they will ask if I am pregnant. 

Then they will ask how I can be sure I’m not. 

Today might be the day I explain it …loud and in detail. 

After all if we are sharing we might as well share it all …

Legally wed (almost) a year. Here is the recap …

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It was this time last year that our home state made our marriage legal. We were so excited, it was like a second wedding day. Sorta like that … but without rain, stress, arguments or blisters. Good times.

So in the spirit of a (sort of) one year wedding anniversary I compiled the top 10 best of best things that happened this last year, our first full year of being legally married in our home state.

  1. We survived new car envy. She bought I convertible, I got jealous. We now share our vehicles. Whats mine is mine. What is yours is now mine too. I’m pretty sure it was in the vows.96a9c5c0cecad209aedb00bb45a2dffa
  2. The kids went away for the summer and we managed to focus a little time on us. Every relationship needs a little space alone to develop. Ours developed into missing the kids after a couple month extended honeymoon. Whatever works.Summer-of-Love
  3. We went to the beach, several times. There is nothing like feeling the sand between your toes. Or the sand hitting you in the face as it swirls around the car, coming off your beach gear. That’s what happens when you shove the sandy gear into the back of that super cute, top down convertible you HAD to take for the trip.  11137193_1011165278894072_8677361988249007150_n
  4. We watched fireworks for the 4th, from our mountain spot, all by ourselves. It was kinda romantic and super beautiful. The other fireworks throughout the year on the mountain, likely scaring the neighbors into calling for backup, maybe not so much romantic as horrifying. We are trying to keep our arguments to ourselves now. Sorry y’all. 11403087_1036972702979996_7696834849185982622_n
  5. We learned to budget. Just kidding, no we didn’t. We bought a new car and went to the beach a few times. We can’t seem to save any money. I have no idea why. Saving Money
  6. She learned to cook. Well, not really cook, but she can grill like nobody’s business. Thinking about our 1 year anniversary steak dinner she magically produced is making me hungry, 3 months later. sunset-2
  7. I changed my last time to hers. Finally. She ran out and changed the name on the mailbox … I am still learning to sign it. Or to recolonize it when called. fa38b4ca80e150dc2a1e9445abc452b4
  8. We made new friends. Together. Couple friends. That isn’t easy considering we are so different. It is almost like getting a raise, the one you don’t think it will ever happen. All of a sudden you are eating more than soup from a can, in your one room apartment, while talking to your cat before bedtime at 8pm. It’s a big wide world out there when you have couple friends to go explore it with. friends_cast_004a
  9. We found new things to explore together. Places to go, things to do, food to eat and fancy new beer to try. Again, a big deal because when we first met we didn’t have much more in common than mutual lust. No shame. None. 3190410_13213875_lz
  10. Last but certainly most important: Nobody was seriously injured or died. I’m not kidding, it was a close call a few times. Marriage is hard, apparently so is smothering your beloved with a pillow. wpid-wp-1432838209051.jpeg

Don’t be an asshole in the name of your religion

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You’ve probably seen the recent headlines. You can’t go a day without hearing about it. Voices on both sides shouting to be heard.

I’m talking about religious freedom.

I get it, I really do.

If we are talking about freedom in the purest form I am a big supporter. You do your thing and I will do mine. No harm, no foul.

However, where is the line where one humans rights stop and another’s continue?

How does one determine where a person’s beliefs start and another’s should end when there comes a difference in the name of religious standing?

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The law separates church and state. It is one of the things I love and appreciate about my country. It’s right next to ridiculous holidays l get to take off work. 

With this in mind, should elected officials, who work for the people, not be held to the same standard? Why should current elected officials, those serving the state where elected, cite religion as a reason to not serve tax paying citizens equally? 

Case in point:

The County Clerk in Kentucky who is currently behind bars for refusing to comply with the law. She, along with her staff, were refusing to give marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Refused.

Despite being told to comply or suffer legal consequences.

Her office refused to issue licenses solely on religious premise. Not for any legal or arguably reasonable fact.

Consenting aged, not otherwise legally entwined, unrelated, and of sound mind adults were denied marriage licences. Based on someone’s interpretation of religion and moral code. This seems the only moral high jinks I see going on.

The only real problem is that committed, matrimonial minded adults were denied their basic rights.

It was not so long ago that multiracial marriages were against the law. Seems ridiculous now. Yet what is happening here does not seem at all ludicrous for an obnoxious percent of the population.

The law is the law. It’s pretty clear. Black, white, gay, straight, hot or ehhh … not. Still. All equal.

Couples, according to US law may be married if they choose. 

Anywhere they choose. 

In any state they may reside, visit or find themselves otherwise geographically located at the time they deem their significant other worthy of a lifetime commitment.

Let’s just say for argument’s sake that I, a representative of a corporation, in charge of customer relations, decide that I shall no longer offer service to those customers which offend my religious beliefs.

*For the record, I am only offended by people who punish others in the name of religion.

Let’s say I refuse to allow services, which are clearly outlined by my company policy, to those I deem unworthy. My fancy desk and beautiful view would be parted faster than a  gentleman’s dollar bills on his first strip club visit.

That is how it is.

It’s basic decency to not be an asshole but more it’s the law, the rule, the policy. We as society live by them even if we don’t feel like it some days.

Sure you can get away with a little eyebrow raising behavior. Like speeding on a quiet country road. Or offering a little extra discount to people who you have common interests (where my gays at?!)

A little bout of shenanigans is the spice of life.

Ruining someone elses in the name of (insert your religion here) is absolutely not.

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I’m not one who is going to start spitting bible versus but isn’t there a little something about love and acceptance in there? Maybe a little something about not judging others? How about just plain not living your life being an asshole to others?

If you absolutely must be cruel based on your “religion” then maybe, possibly, you could manage to not hold an elected government position.

The funny thing about gay marriage.

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It’s ok. I’m allowed to say “gay marriage” and you are too and so is everyone and everyone is. It’s a topic we are all reading about and hopefully talking about. Whether it is in hushed whisper or shouts from the roof tops, I would bet it has been present at some point in your day this past week.

The news is all about it. I know you’ve seen it. The rainbow flags and Supreme Court headlines and picket signs and grandmas for gays. It really is everywhere. The thing I want to know is anyone really paying attention to what it really means? What it means for you or your neighbors or your friends or your co-workers? How about your kids or your grand kids? A historic movement is taking place right now. It could mean nothing to some but it means everything for the future.

Ok no more soap box speech. I promise. At least for now.  This blog was meant to be funny and I will do my very best to keep it light hearted.

So here goes – the story about what this all means to my little family.

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You all know I have a wife. She’s kinda an asshole sometimes but I love her more than any words in this blog will ever express. In July we will have been married a year. That’s like 8 years in a hetero relationship. I know these things. I hope to spend the rest of my days laughing at how much we annoy each other. We validate one another and that should be all that matters but it means everything to have the right to say “we do” and we did. Every single couple deserves the same right.

The sad fact is that we live in a state where our legal marriage has only been officially noted for just a few short months. The day the state of North Carolina announced the ban had been lifted I was elated.  It was like my being was validated. Not that I am worth only what society views me as but it still felt like I was worthy of everything that was granted to me before I married her. It was like we were just gifted a pair of magical unicorns following a lottery win, announced by a dragon holding a welcome sign to our fairy princess castle where a surgeon was waiting to give me a tummy tuck.

Yeah. It felt exactly like that.

A late but magical wedding gift had been bestowed upon us. It was surreal. I was at work and I wanted to stand on my desk and proclaim I was legally her wife. That I had a legal spouse waiting for me at home. My co-workers would have looked at me like I was high. One eyebrow raised and shaking their heads in bewilderment. They knew I was a newlywed but they never questioned whether it was “legal” here. It just was not a concern to them, it was not a big deal. It was a huge deal to me.

Imagine for me for just a moment sitting across from your significant other and knowing under the law, in the state you reside, that he / she is not your legal spouse. Imagine that those rings you wear and the certificate you signed are just ornaments. Imagine if you fall ill and can’t make decisions for yourself, that your love will not have legal right to see you. No decisions can be made for you. Your lover will not be holding your hand, they will not be by your side. That is not your spouse. Not legally. That person across from you is your roommate.

Alright now snap out of it.

For the majority of you that will never be your reality. For the few of you who wish it were – shame on you. Jerks.

So here we are. This is happening. By the end of June a historical decision is going to be made. This will matter. This will be the reality of the future. I will no longer take a drive to visit the in-laws only to be “unmarried” when we cross the state line. Although sometimes that sure sounds heavenly in all seriousness it’s an awful hit to the gut. every. single. time.

Until the ruling is made I will be over here holding my breath and holding her hand. because it matters.