In our house you would be wise to always be wary of the next scare or prank. We keep things lively around here.
This last April 1st I had the ultimate excuse to pull off a good one. It was a heart stopper. Maybe when my poor mom forgives me I will share. Until then you have to wait.
Today’s latest episode was maybe the best of recent. I pranked myself.
Yes, you read that correctly. I pranked myself.
Let me start from the beginning.
It’s spooky season. Well maybe not actually yet on the calendar but the retail season is creeping in. I’m thrilled. I’ve already started my collection. It’s going to be my pleasure to scare the diapers off some trick or treaters this Halloween.
I found some yard stuff, a few pumpkins, witches, bats, skeletons and spiders.
I even found a little rat skeleton for under $5. That one arrived quickly and screamed for a good prank. It seemed unreasonable to put him in a tote for 2 months before he could live his best after life.
I quickly removed his tags and looked around. Where could he hide to get the best scream? The oven? Nope, preheating a fake rat seems like a bad idea. Fridge? Too quickly found. These people are always in there for something. The microwave! Yes! I would be making dinner that evening and going to work the next day. It was going to be a good one. I wouldn’t be there to see it but I would leave the security camera on and I would get a text cussing me.
I just had to wait.
Fast forward to the weekend. I had not received a text all week. Nobody had found him. I had actually forgotten my little friend was lurking behind a microwave door.
I made a cup of coffee and went about my Saturday morning routine. I drank that mug and made a second. As per usual I was distracted by my to do list and my 2nd batch of magic bean juice got cold.
You know where this is going.
I went to the microwave above the stove and opened the door. Half drank mug in one hand and the other on the door handle.
The light illuminated and there it was, my forgotten rodent, now at face level.
My eyes got big, I gasped and took an Olympic dream style jump backwards. My hand that had previously been holding the door handle moved to my chest and the hand holding the mug went flying outward, still clutching for dear life. The coffee freely splashed out like a paper towel commercial in slow motion. There was nobody around to see it. The security cameras had been disabled when I woke up.
This prank had just gone unnoticed. Something had to be done about this.
I gathered myself. I closed the microwave door. I straighted my hair and gently placed my now mostly empty mug on the counter.
I called for my wife to come and help, something was wrong.
It wasn’t working.
Little did she know the microwave was fine, my prank was actually the thing that needed her attention.
She sighed from the den out of sight. Asked if I was serious. I am always serious about my coffee … and my pranks. I answered yes.
She walked to the kitchen, looked at the microwave. Time clearly visible, it has power.
She started to push buttons.
I started to panic.
Who doesn’t open the damn door? To see what the problem is?
The light came on and the faint whirl of the fan started and the turntable started. My rat was going for a whirl! I stared wide eyed toward the microwave again. Her back was turned to the horror happening behind her and she was looking at me like I was an idiot. She didn’t turn around until 3 seconds later when a distinct “metal in the microwave” sound shot out. Sparks were flying. I thought about dropping for cover behind the kitchen island.
She opened the microwave door and grabbed the scorched skeleton by the tail. I had failed.
I couldn’t look.
She was not amused. “Why is there a rat skeleton in the microwave?”
I had lost this round and confessed. The rat had been in the microwave for days and I had forgotten. I had placed it there to scare one of them and managed only to scare myself.
I have learned a few things from this and I wanted to share.
1. A good prank is a quick one.
2. An elephant never forgets but a 40 something over worked mom will..
3. Rubber rats with wire inside will catch fire in the microwave.
This mishap will not stop me. Even if my kitchen really stinks now. I vow to keep pranking my family (or myself) and to live my best life.
I also plan to continue to share my adventures for your entertainment. You’re welcome.
My Idiotic Bliss 