I have a full life. There are not enough hours in my days or days in my week.
What I want to do, what I would like to do and what I need to do are entirely separate.
Similar to a zoo, without the zebras, elephants, lions and monkeys it’s just a few caged animals. All together it’s a zoo. Like my life right now.
A freaking zoo. A strange new attraction around every corner.
If I start charging admission maybe I can afford a snow cone machine with a beer option.
That might actually solve all my problems now that I think about it.
I don’t sleep enough, I dream too much, and I can relax rarely. It’s catching up to me.
My career choice keeps me on my toes, it’s unforgiving some days. Lucky for me I have the next week off. Sort of. Mostly.
I’m fairly certain at least once a day my thoughts will be consumed by a “problem child” … anyone who has ever worked an advocate position knows exactly to who or what I refer.
I find it similar to what having a fire-breathing, baby animal eating, dragon as a pet might be like. As much as your job is to please the masses there are some you simply can not. Sadly, like a pet dragon, you can’t exactly just find them a new caretaker. You can’t dump them at a nice farm-house in the country. Nobody wants to deal with an asshole of a pet dragon. Even when you go on vacation. Still your my problem.
My children (as offspring often are) happen to be entirely dependent on me to entertain them, feed them and house them in a comfortable home. The same home which they are constantly being told to clean their messes from.
The laundry is ever piling, the fridge constantly emptied and the noise ever-present.
The bathrooms are always smelly and the toilet paper rolls are always empty.
There are dirty, mismatched socks and single shoes in random places and I’m pretty sure I nearly stepped on another Lego.
The Wi-Fi is slow and the cookies are gone. A sure sign they are hiding somewhere watching Netflix while I mop the sticky substance from the kitchen floor.
They are too big to put in a basket on the church steps. At least I think so. If I have to play “guess the smell” again I might hit up the container store for the biggest basket I can find.
My spouse who I give my conditional love makes me absolutely crazy sometimes. Like now. She’s making me lose my mind. right now.
You know those plaques and signs in the zoo which tell you about the animal you’re standing in front of? Well marriage doesn’t come with those. There are no guides or maps. There are no little foot print marks to tell you what to do or where to go next.
You are on your own. If you get lost and can’t find your way, the next step could lead you into the boa exhibit where you will be squeezed lifeless and consumed.
Ok, that was dramatic but that’s what marriage feels like. sometimes.
We are about to head to a beach front hotel for a week. Just us. Sounds like a romantic dream doesn’t it? Now throw in a tiny budget and little sleep. As much love as we have we are only human and sometimes it’s not always coming up roses. I keep looking for her hand, maybe together we can reach the exit door of the aquarium building and stop feeling like we are under water.
All we need to do is get to the warm sunshine outside the exit door but it’s elusive.
and I’m too tired to form the words for directions.
and I’m too pissed off to ask her which way to go.
remember how I said sometimes she’s an asshole? Yeah that.
I miss the days of throwing caution to the wind and leaving with nothing but a bikini and a toothbrush for my next adventure.
Unfortunately I am trying to keep up my zoo. If anyone finds the door labeled “beach – this way!” let me know.
Until then I’ll just be over here with my beer slushy, teaching monkeys not to fling poo.